Judith Strom - The Real Obituary

Strom, Judith (Halgren, Marcy)

It is with great sadness that we announce the peaceful passing of our mother Jude(Oma) of Wabasha at age 73 on November 29, 2011.  Left to cherish her memory are her beloved life partner Elfi Baltes, her children Julie Daily, Janice Wiethoff (Bob), Jennifer Halgren, Jocelyn Schwartz (Jim) and Eric Halgren. Also left to remember her are her sisters Jackie and Gayle, her sister-in-law and longtime friend Marcia Dale, with Michael, and her nieces and nephews. Her grandchildren Jocelyn, Nick and Ben will greatly miss Oma.  According to her wishes as an avid gardener, a service will be held in the Spring. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the MN Landscape Arboretum or Midwest Pug Rescue.

That is the obituary that will be posted in the StarTribune on Sunday. It'll show up online sometime before that, I don't know when. At a cost of over $300.00. It's probably that expensive or more people would write long obits that would take up 1/2 the newspaper, so I guess I get it. But dammit! There is so much more to say! 

I got the important parts that she dearly loved. Her family. Her gardening. Her pugs. Yet there are also Elfi's kids who are family, kind of our step sister and brothers, and their kids and spouses. Her friends, many long time, very dear friends - Carol, Judith and Sarah who were with us at the hospital in her final hours. her many friends from around Nelson, Alma and Wabasha of whom she often spoke very fondly. Many friends in South Minneapolis and around Lake Minnetonka. And Fairview Hospitals. How many thousands of lives did she touch as an understanding yet straight-forward Adolescent and Family Chemical Dependency Counselor of more than 25 years, and all the people she worked with for so long. 

And food. She was a foodie before it was trendy to be one. She read cookbooks for entertainment. She could take a little bit of this and a little bit of that and turn it into a simple yet spectacular meal that would comfort not only your body, but your soul. She experimented and mastered many cuisines, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indian, Mexican, Swedish, German, Italian, French, anything that looked interesting. Holiday meals were glorious. Free-range, locally grown, home made everything. She grew heirloom tomatoes, purple ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, and yes, some red ones. Her garden kept her busy from early Spring until late Fall, seeding, planting, weeding, caring for, harvesting, canning, freezing, storing, cooking every kind of vegetable, raspberries, fruit trees, herbs and garlic. There would be raspberry pies and jams, the best breads you could imagine, and man, are we going to miss her pickles :(  I could kick myself for not taking more time to learn that skill from her, but with some help from my sisters we will attempt to do her justice. 

And flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. Not showy, not lots of bright colors, but serene. Beautiful. Fragrant and graceful. 

She loved to read. She liked to read quality fiction, news magazines, science and politics. She loved to learn and   to try new creative things like stained glass, cheese making, and creating a home from a ramshackle building. She and Elfi did that three times, first in S. Mpls, then in Alma, then the top of the bluff overlooking the Mississippi that was their dream home. It was a nightmare when they bought it, but just like she could start dinner with what didn't seem like much and make a feast, along with Elfi she turned structures that didn't look like they could stand a strong wind into a home filled with grace and beauty. 

She was strong. She worked for justice. Justice and equality for women in the 70s, peace during wars, supported causes that would help ease others' pain. She was also brave and always questioned authority!  (I learned well ;)

I think that's the thing about her, with her work, her family, her homes, her rescue dogs, she could see beyond the broken appearance into the heart and bones within and help to heal and coax the beauty out.  And we're not talking beauty = glamor, but beauty = real. She was real. Just real. 

She loved music. Lots of music, many kinds of music. We grew up listening to folk music, bluegrass, gospel, classical, Mahalia Jackson, Kingston Trio, Peter Paul and Mary, Harry Belefonte, Miriam Makeba, Bach, MPR's The Morning Show. She turned me on to Andrea Bocelli and The Carolina Chocolate Drops. I thank her for all of that. 

And oh, did she love her children and her grandchildren. Even through all the rough spots, and there were some pretty severe rough spots, she was there, patiently standing as the beacon to which we would come home.  And we all did. She never gave unasked for advice, didn't nag or scold (ok, in the past 20+ years, anyway) and allowed us all to find our own paths, as we allowed her to find her's. 

She was there as my coach and partner when my Jocelyn was born . She was with me all day, all night, the next day and into the next night and those two formed a bond that will never break. She is Oma to Jocelyn, Nick and Ben, and always will be. 

It's been 42 hours since she left this earth. I wonder where she is and what she's learning now.  And oh God, do I miss her!  She was the best friend I'd call when I had news, or something to talk about, or just because. I feel so alone, more alone than I ever have. She's been my anchor for 55 years, and now I feel like I'm drifting. I know I'll adjust, but this adjustment is going to take a while. I don't like it, and I don't have to. But I will. 

It happened so fast. I think it must always seem fast, but we were SO lucky! Just last Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, she was at my sister's home with all of us, eating a wonderful meal and enjoying the day. She told us she loved Thanksgiving the best. Christmas seems to be for the kids - Thanksgiving was about Family. We were all there, and she told each of us individually that she was grateful for us and why. Lots of hugs, and "I love yous" were said. What more could we ask for?   Just more..  

Monday morning I had a "feeling" that I needed to call her. That feeling was very strong, so I did.  No answer. Then I called Elfi. No answer. I feel alarm bells going off. I had talked to her on Fri or Sat, and it seemed concerning but not dire, but...  Elfi called right back saying they were at the ER, that she's had a bad weekend since her last chemo on Friday. At other times, I just left and would assess the situation and then call my sisters, but this time I called my sisters first and my aunt Gayle. Jocelyn left work and came with me, Jannie and Jennifer stayed on stand-by, and we met Gayle at the ER. When they transferred her to the Mayo we called Jannie, Jennifer and Eric to meet us there. And it was one long day and night. She would drift in and out, but for the last 6 hours or so she did not wake. In the few times she did, she told us she wanted services in the spring. Ok. She wanted ginger-ale. We got it. She moaned with pleasure when I gave her the sponge soaked with ginger-ale and I will treasure that moment the rest of my life. She got back rubs and someone holding her hand or a hand on her at all times. 

I had been awake all night. I could not even consider closing my eyes, it just was not an option. But shortly before 6:30am, I was sitting next to her head and laid my head down on the bed by her shoulder. And I drifted into something, a dream, a vision, I don't know, but I saw what I think was a pumpkin garden, with an amazingly blue sky and lots of gold sunlight streaming over it all. Some of that gold may have been sunflowers, I don't know. It was for such a short second.. and then her breathing changed, my head popped up, and she went away. I've only told one of my sisters this, as I remembered it on the drive home. I don't know what that was, but it gives me some peace. And awe. 

They tell me that the sense of hearing and touch are the last to go. She felt us, and she heard us. We were all around her, times of tears, times of laughter, times of silence, times of conversation. We were lucky, lucky to have had her as our mom, our Oma, our partner, our sister, our mentor and guide, our teacher and friend. 

Her birthday is one week from today. For her birthday the family and a few close friends will be celebrating her life at the Arboretum on Dec.10. There will be a memorial service sometime in the spring at the Villa Maria in Frontenac. That was her wish. She also wished to go to the North Shore of Superior one more time. That, too, will happen in the spring. Details will come later, and you are all invited. 

Momma, wherever you are now, you know you were dearly loved, and I know you never wanted to be a bother or a burden to us.  You never were. You will always live on in our hearts, which feel very empty at present, but as you’ve always done, I’m sure you will coax us to once again feel the beauty and grace that filled you.

With all the love I have to give, and thanks to you there is a great deal of it,

Julie

After Mysore and meeting long lost friends

There was one thing missing while I was in Mysore. Nearly 4 years ago, my first out-tasking team consisted of Paneer, Arvind and Maria. Maria was onshore in Minneapolis with me, the other 2 were in Chennai. These three young men will always be special to me.  We learned a lot from each other, they helped me learn how to lead a team that is 8000 miles away, and we supported each other and still do; maybe not quite as frequently as when we were a team, but it's still there. Prior posts show me meeting Arvind and his mother and father, and I know that Arvind's mom and I have a bond, too. Maria was at my home cooking in the kitchen one day as I'm first learning how to host a group of people from India in my home (my coffee mugs are not suitable for tea ;) and he made a comment I'll never forget, and that was while hanging in my kitchen and home with me and others from the team, cooking and comfortably just being with each other, he said he felt like he was at home. Pulled my heart strings just a little bit, there. There's something special about this group, and it extends to family. We were put together for a reason and that reason expanded way past being a team lead and a team. It's a good thing.
So, when I was in Mysore, I was hoping I'd get the chance to meet Paneer, the one I had not yet met face to face. We've talked on the phone, we've chatted via Google-talk, we've exchanged emails, and he's been bugging me for 3 years to write a blog. (happy, now? ;) But, he wasn't answering my phone calls, my text messages or my emails, and I just assumed something had happened and I may not hear from him again. So, that thought haunted me all through the days before, during, and after our visit to Mysore, and as we drove out and back to Bangalore, my heart was heavy.  But, I had done all I could except for showing up at his door, and I would have probably done that before I left this country, except for the fact that he did contact me, and had been out of town and out of touch and was back and would be meeting me in Bangalore on the following Saturday!!  And we did. All is well.  And it was good!  We had lunch, we talked, we had coffee, and I think I know him better than he thinks I know him, but time will only tell on that. We shall see. And I got invited to his marriage at end of May, so will be extending this trip and taking vacation after May 14 instead of during these months as we were going to do. I may miss seeing Kerala this trip, but I'll get to attend this wedding of a dear friend and meet his mother, too, which will make up for that.

The following weekend, on Saturday I spent the day with other old friends that I had not seen in two years. Srikanth and Ragini, who had just moved back to Bangalore from New York.  Srikanth is going to be going to school for his MBA in Hyderabad, so they're back for at least a year. It was SO good to see them again. When they were in Minneapolis, both of their mothers were staying with them for a few months, and they invited my mother and me to lunch.  In turn, my mother invited them and their mothers to her home. My mom lives 2 hours away in Wisconsin, on a bluff overlooking the Mississippi river. We had a beautiful drive there, met my mom's partner Elfi, and had a very nice gourmet lunch of Indian food my mother made (cooking is a passion with her) and the moms got to tour the house and the garden and the created pond and waterfall, and the vegetable and fruit raised gardens and the chicken coop, and the huge yard and Ragini's mother asked me " Do they do all of this all by themselves?" and I said, "sure!". They were stunned by what two women could accomplish and manage with not much help. And all 4 of them are about the same age, but way different lives, yet so much in common. See for yourselves.. was an old run down farm house, and they gutted it and put in the pond and the gardens and made it into paradise :)

When we got to the upper floor of the barn that they have been remodeling and turning into a loft, which has a million dollar view of the valley and the river from a deck they put on the back of that barn's 2nd story, Srikanth's mother put her hands on her hips, and stated to all present  "I'm staying!".  My mother said, sure.. you can stay, we'll have dinner later.. and Srikanth's mom says again, "no I'm STAYING!" which let us know she meant she was moving in!  And then Ragini's mother said, "I'm staying too!"  Of course they didn't, but it was very apparent that they loved the place and appreciated the work that 2 women can do, did do, and continue to do to maintain a piece of grace and beauty, and that is another moment I'll never forget. Women can be very independent in the U.S. and we are starting to take that for granted.  Women can be independent in India, and it's not the norm, but it's growing. Slowly. I see so many of the young Indian women who are privileged and educated take easy choices, and take advantage of that ease.  I need to remember they are young, and hope they find ways to take some of those harder choices as they go, and share their experiences and strength. There is a great deal of untapped strength there, and I see them choosing to be pampered rather than strong.  I do see some amazing strength too, and for those where it's hidden, I hope it's just temporary. 

Anyway, I spent Saturday with Ragini and Srikanth, hanging, eating real Pav Bhaji for the first time (OMG, was that good!) watching a movie, relaxing, going for a walk, talking. Was a very nice day, and so good to see both of them after so long.  And real good to know that Srikanth is continuing his education. That guy will run a large company someday. CEO.  Mark my words!

Sunday was Palm Sunday in the Christian religion, and I attended a Catholic church with Mathew from my office here. It was a Catholic service like I've never seen, very young, very casual, no hymns but songs with words to the songs flashed up on the walls in a PowerPoint presentation, and very honest and real.  I don't usually like a lot of sermons, but this one was great. I loved watching the altar boys and girls, and the vicar bossing them around, and the Sisters in their tan saris giving communion. Everyone had a palm leaf, and there were a group of young folk leading the singing, all with nice voices and one with a spectacular one. Very pleasant way to start Sunday morning. Afterward, we went to Cafe Coffee Day which is the Caribou of India -OK, Starbucks, but I prefer Caribou. After that, we both had nothing planned, so we ended up hanging out and shopping at the new store by my house called HyperCity.  It's like a Super Target on steroids!! My eyes about bugged out when I saw the fresh produce!  I've been craving a good salad for about a month, and have not had the pleasure of finding really great variety of what I consider salad fixings at the stores we've been to, but here!  Amazing!  Huge selection of fruits and vegetables, many of which I've never seen before, and some of which Mathew had never seen. So, we help each other out in identifying things, and I have now had my first Alphonso Mango (OMG!) and Jack fruit, and have had 3 salads consisting of sprouts and pomegranate seeds, cabbage, onion, peppers, garlic, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, carrots, and olive oil and lime dressing, with chili powder and salt and pepper. YUM! They have Land O Lakes butter from Arden Hills MN (what?), Ben and Jerry's ice cream, a huge selection of cheeses you just don't see here, a very dangerous selection of sweets and pastries, and furniture, clothing, household items, electronics, bikes, a book store, liquor store, pretty much anything and everything. We were there for a couple of hours, talking and looking around and just hanging.
Turned out to be a very nice day.

Yesterday was Good Friday, and I celebrated by getting a facial, and a manicure and pedicure :) Today, saw the movie Clash of the Titans (not so great) and we ate at an Italian restaurant that had pretty amazing food and sinfully wonderful desserts! We did the movie and Italian with Archit from Lisa's team, and he'd never eaten Italian food before.  So, we had some fun picking out a good pasta dish and then a good chicken parmeggiano which was excellent, and then these desserts.  The desserts were certainly winners, particularly his first taste of Tiramisu, which is the middle one.  For the main courses, noticeably less cheese than in the US, but very good food!And the two of them loved the wine, while I loved the non-alcoholic Mint Mojito! 

 

 
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. I'm going to the Art of Living Ashram with Meenakshi, one of my team members. May as well mix this all up real good!  :)  Happy Easter, everyone!

Mysore

Two days after Bannerghata, we went to Mysore with my friend Chetan. Early Saturday morning we head out of the crazy city into open country and clear, decent roads through hills and rice paddies and sugar cane fields, and bamboo forests. OK.. THAT'S more like it!  I knew this India was here somewhere! It's beautiful and peaceful and a nice 2 hour drive from the outskirts of Bangalore to Mysore. We stop for breakfast of filtered coffee and a kind of Idli I had not had yet, kind of flat like a pancake and I think called a Tatte Idli, and then off we went.

Chetan's plans included a stop at Janapada Loka, a place along the way with some cultural and folk art displays similar to Dakshinichitra in Chennai, but this one was not quite as developed. It was nice, it was hot, there were beautiful artifacts to be seen, but it just seemed a bit untended, although we did get a demonstration of pottery making from days way before there was electricity. Just some elbow grease to get the wheel going, and he created the whole pot to perfection before that wheel came to a stop. Next door was a great restaurant where we had lunch and then we stopped to shop for trinkets.  And boy did we find trinkets! We're bringing back a lot of what we found there, so no details on what the presents are. Just know that we had to stop back there on the return trip on Monday morning to pick up more of what we had found here and no where else!!  Then, on to Mysore, city of palaces and Mysore Silk! 

Beautiful city, organized, clean, no traffic jams ;) and there are HORSES running through the streets.  Loose horses! I said.. whaaa..?  I knew about the loose cows and buffalo everywhere,   (as seen to the right )
the loose goats were a surprise, but HORSES?  I guess that's the "thing" in Mysore.  The Maharajahs had horses, and the horses have remained, drawing carriages and carts, horse racing, and beautiful specimens of horse and pony just trotting through the streets.  I LOVED that!  Go driving down a street and 4-5 gorgeous horses go trotting by, all free and unfettered. Quite amazing! and beautiful! Others are teeny, tiny little horses or ponies, used for pulling small carts of tourists around. Very cute!

We checked into another, and probably our LAST $22.00 per night hotel.   It's good to know they exist, they are plentiful and can be had, but I'm done with the cheap hotels. This one was very similar to the one in Chennai and Chittoor- peeling paint on the walls, rock hard bed, no screen on the bathroom window so mosquitoes and other bugs just come strolling or flying on in, had to ask for a towel (FINALLY someone tells me that Indians bring their own towels!  doh!  never even occurred to me) and right on a busy street with traffic noise all night long. By traffic noise I don't mean New York City traffic noise, I mean Indian City traffic noise.  BIG difference.  Huge.  The array of car horn "music" for both honking and backing up is endless.  All night long is insomnia inducing.  And then there's the cockroach the size of a mouse that Lisa saw. In her room. That came later.

We checked in early afternoon, had a late lunch at a nearby hotel that looked awfully attractive in comparison to the one we were booked into with a great restaurant, beer garden, pool and on a quiet street... hmmm very attractive, and we went off to see the Palace.. er, I mean the Infosys Training campus in Mysore.

Built to resemble the Colosseum in Rome,it's amazing and beautiful and grand yet understated and a really nice place to stay while training to work for Infosys. 

For more of the photos of the campus, see here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154703&id=625456793&l=85d40cc387

After touring the campus, we drove to Brindavan Gardens to view the musical fountain. The gardens are created behind the Krishnaraja Sagar dam, which crosses the Cauvery river, one of the principal rivers of South India. It's a huge dam, and must be spectacular to watch when the water releases. Outside the garden we found a festival atmosphere with booths of foods and drinks, people selling all sorts of mostly crap for too much money, and the usual horde of people that is everywhere in India. Our white skin really glows at night or something, cuz I swear, they see us and it's like mosquitoes coming at us from all angles, wanting to sell  postcards, and pipes and drums and fake "antique" coins, and fake sandalwood stuff, and fake carved boxes, and jewelry. Oy. But, comes with the territory. We take a bridge over the lake and then go through the gardens, and then up and through some more gardens and they really are beautiful. 

The dam is to the right in the above picture, and this is just one small part of the gardens. There's back-lighting and colored lighting and just enough light to seem kind of magical and starlit. Just at 7pm, we are climbing to the top garden where the musical fountain is and the music starts up and "thar she blows"! Chetan and Lisa move up closer to the fountain to take pics and I hung back outside the crowd, and found myself mixed in with quite a few other westerners.  I heard German and English and other languages I could not identify. Then all around us are the locals who are hooting and hollering to the Kannada movie music that is playing and to which the lights and the fountain are synchronized. Fun, very nice way to pass the time amongst beauty and enthusiastic youth and listening to many languages and smelling flowers and greenery on a beautiful evening. Then, it's over and we stroll back over the long bridge and through the carnival atmosphere back to the car and head back to the Infosys campus for dinner. 

Dinner was a buffet served in a "floating" restaurant in the middle of the campus. We are surrounded and appear to be on top of a man-made pool filled with HUGE koi and other fish. Nice, very pleasant, and a beautiful night to sit outside on water and enjoy the peace and quiet of the campus. After a nice dinner we head back to the hotel. Lisa heads up to her room, I wait for Chetan, who has to park his little car in a littler parking spot. Once I get to my room which is next to Lisa's I see a flurry of activity.  Apparently there was a cockroach the size of a mouse in her room and the front desk guy was doing battle with a can of bug spray and was fumigating. (I think I still feel that in my lungs  ;) Lisa was a bit frazzled, and I don't blame her. But, it's late, we are tired, and things settle down and we go to sleep, with next day maybe finding a different hotel. That was confirmed the next morning when none of us had slept due to the traffic noise all night long.  Apparently we are on a well traveled road, and of course, every vehicle that passes has to honk at least once to let us know they are there. And all three of our rooms are on the street side. 

If there's one thing  I could change about India....  well, I'm not going there.  I know and decided way before coming here that acceptance is the answer, and since coming here that attitude has proved to be the best way to maintain sanity...and to make friends.  :)  but that honking of horns... well,  I'm  just sayin'.  

Sunday morning we woke up, and all of us knew we were changing hotels. We went back over to the one we were at yesterday, the Park Lane to have breakfast and check to see if they had availability.  They did. for rs 100 more than the one we stayed at...  about $2.00 more.  SOLD!! 

We packed up and checked into rooms that were quiet, very comfortable with good air conditioning, no open windows letting in smells and bugs, beds that were actually softer than a board and nice bedding and room service. Big exhale and ahhhhhhhh.  Nice change. Then we headed out to the Mysore Palace. The Palace is historic, lived in, full of beautiful commissioned artwork, hand carved and inlaid wood, silver and gold, a museum and an audio tour. It's very grand, very beautiful, and well worth seeing. Even if we (foreigners) get charged 20 times what the locals do for the tour! It was worth it.  On Sunday nights throughout the year and then for the entire Dusara Festival in October, the palace is lit by over 100,000 twinkling lights. We left in the afternoon to go shopping and napping, and came back to the palace for the lighting. We happened to drive up just as they flicked the switch from off to on, so saw the whole thing come ablaze as we arrived. Couldn't have been better timing! 

 

For the full set of photos, see here:   Mysore Palace Photos

The rest of the day we spent shopping and touring other parts of the city. We were taken by our tuk-tuk or auto-rickshaw driver to a very nice store chock full of Mysore Silk!. I am now the proud owner of a Mysore Silk Sari.  And, a few other pieces of silk.  And scarves. The sales guy did his best to help me decide which sari to buy:

Idn't he pretty?  :)  Which one did I buy?  Maybe you'll see later....  

Before we went to the lighting of the palace, we were at the Kauvery emporium, one of the official places where real sandalwood and rosewood items are sold.  While Lisa was having her purchase wrapped for shipping, I stepped outside the door to get some air. One of the men there is telling me I'm looking at an old convent where the Sisters still live and teach, and it's beautiful and peaceful. Then, all of a sudden the peace is broken by sounds coming at me from both the left and the right, and it's amazing, and loud, and stunning.  The man that was standing out their with me can see questioning face, and tells me that there are mosques on both sides of me, and I'm hearing the call to prayer.  I'm listening in stereo to the Muslim call to prayer while I'm looking at a classic, Catholic convent and church, while I'm talking to a Hindu.  I love this. 

For dinner that night we went out to a very nice hotel for a buffet, but there was no buffet. What there was, was tables setup with linen in a courtyard inside a 5 star hotel, underneath a gigantic mango tree strung with twinkling lights and candles. It was lovely, peaceful and the food was wonderful. Only thing wrong was that they were out of french fries for Lisa. We could deal with that.  And have I mentioned how absolutely beautiful the evenings are here in South India?  After the awful, hard, blasting heat of the day, the evenings are soft, and cool, and amazing. Everyone comes out of their homes and offices and hits the streets and the shops and the sidewalk vegetable stands getting ready for dinner or buying their dinner from the stalls.  I ride home from work in an air-conditioned car, but I ask for the air to be turned off and roll down the windows.  The evenings are so beautiful, they make the days almost bearable.  ;) 

 At 6:30 the next morning, I awoke to a noise outside my hotel window, and got out of bed to find out what it was.  I opened the window and heard the early morning call to prayer from a mosque while I watched the horizon turn pink. I was very fortunate to hear this call done by someone with a beautiful, calm, and clear voice, and it gave me goosebumps to stand their and listen and watch.  Awesome way to start the day.  

And then we headed back to Bangalore and work.  But had a great weekend and I love Mysore!

Catching up!

Seems that when we go on a road trip for a weekend and then work 50+ hours the weeks before and after that, it takes a bit to recover and wake up my "muse" who seems to need more sleep than I do  ;)  Plus, I think I reached a point where I needed to stop, what with the work, and the travel, and the hospital stay, and the high BP, and meeting so many people, and going to so many places, and the work, and the hard bed, and my roommate whom I've been just a little too close to for 6 weeks now, and the power outages, and the work.. get my drift?  ;) Plus, I was up to HERE with technical issues with my laptop and it's a good thing I can fix them myself, but geez, add that to the list of things to do, and I needed a day off. Just so happened, when I was at the peak of my frustration my friend Maneesh from MN calls me, and he's here in Bangalore with the family and would like to get together with me for a day, so would I like to go to the zoo?  Sure, why not!!So I take a PTO day, and a well-deserved one, at that!

We, meaning Maneesh, his wife, 4-yr old son and his mother headed out to lunch, then to the park. I didn't know this until I got back and really read about the place, but we went to Banerghatta National Park which is a wildlife reserve in a beautiful, hilly, forest area just 22km outside of Bangalore. It specializes in rescuing circus animals and then providing a place where the lions and tigers and bears (oh my!) can live out their lives in peace. We did see lions and both white and orange tigers, and black bears that have white snouts here in India, unlike the full black bears in N. America.  These guys are lots smaller, too. I have excellent pictures!

 

But about these pictures.  When we arrived for the "safari" where they take us through the preserves in a bus, the bus was quite full. Maneesh told them we'd wait for the next bus, but no, they said they'd fit us in. We piled in and I was given the very front seat next to the driver, right in front of the window. The windows were covered with grates, but there were cutouts that offered great picture taking windows. The assistant to the driver sat on the hump between the driver and me and let me know very clearly that they don't ALLOW people to sit in the seat I was in, that this was a big favor to me to allow me that seat. Message heard.  Could it have anything at all to do with the fact that I'm the only one with white skin on this bus?  Naahhh..  And we start moving along, and he's making small talk with me, and animals come into view. He wordlessly asks to take my camera and take pics, and I let him. He took many great photos, 60+ very close up, very clear, he's practiced at that and I knew I'd be tipping him well. We see all the animals, he answers my questions about ant hills that are 3-4 feet tall and other hills that were left by elephants that weren't quite that tall ;) and after about an hour in that hot, close, full of humanity bus, we near the end and he asks me for a tip. Right there.. he lost a point.  I gave him what I thought was more than a nice tip of 150 rs and he wants more, cuz he shares with the driver.  Lost more points, but I gave him another 100 rs.  Still he's not satisfied, and wants 500.   Uh, no.  Not gonna happen. I'm torn here, cuz I know he took some great pics for me and gave me lots of undivided attention, but I didn't ask him to, nor did we agree on any price.  and a "tip" is to be freely given, not coerced.  So, sorry, buddy but no way.  Oh.. he's not happy.  His pretty eyes that were so accomodating before now have daggers coming out of them. Oh screw you, Mr. and I stood my ground.  And paid no attention to the catty remark he made to the driver.
As we are disembarking from the bus, he is courteously helping all the passengers down. As I leave, he glares and does not offer me his hand. At that point, I'm ready to demand my money back.. but, that would have caused a row and I and the people I am with don't need the hassle.  But, ...asshole.  Very bad blight on that part of that trip for me.  I find out from Maneesh that the tickets for all 5 of us and the fee for the camera were less than 500 rs, and the 250 I gave him was way more than enough.  jerk.
Anyhoo, we head on back to Maneesh's home where dinner is being prepared, and I get to meet his brother and sister-in-law, and his father and just hang out in a nice apartment and hang out in the kitchen with the women a little, and look at photo albums and just spend a nice rest of the day.
And, I did end up with some great photos  ;)  Bannerghatta Photos

And... since someone has been giving me grief about needing to post some photos, just some day to day ones, here ya go.

This is just some of the signs we see on the way to work, pointing to the various IT industries in IT-ville, actually ITPL or ITPB as it's now known, which stands for International Tech Park, Bangalore. I'd post some of the actual building, but security won't allow.  We pass through a gate with armed and unarmed guards which no one gets through without displaying the correct credentials, and then all vehicles go through a bomb/explosives check, and then into the building where we then have to swipe the badge to get in the door to the floor we work on. Security is like that getting into hotels, and some shopping malls, too. At first it unnerved me, now it seems like just a thing. With all the terror warnings and bomb threats that occur all over the world, this just seems like a logical precaution and a worthwhile inconvenience.

This is the Sri Sathya Sai General Hospital, opened in 1977 which provides complex surgeries, food and medicines free of cos to the poor. The hospital has treated over 2 million patients.  And it's incredibly beautiful.

Flowering trees on the way to work, out the car window.  It's reaching peak flowering season and they are EVERYwhere!  I love this!

More later!

One month in Bangalore

I think we finally had a "normal" week.  Normal in the sense that no trips to anywhere, planned or otherwise, just working and hanging out at home and sleeping. Working should be in capital letters.. I think I put in 50 hours by end of day Thurs, which was apparent on Friday, as I don't think I was too productive! We've been going into office around 11 or 12, working until somewhere between meetings around 7pm-9pm and then on conference calls from the minute I walk in the door until anywhere between 10 and midnight. Sleep fast, then do it again the next day. I had my dinner while on a call and in a meeting more than once last week. I'm also not waking up at 6am any more  ;)
In my spare time :) I am trying to finish my book that I brought along a month ago.  I'm not getting very far very fast. When I do read, it's about a page or 2 and my eyes are already closing.
It's good work, though and I love it. I haven't made it through a day yet without laughing well, more than once. My team has expanded to about double, so I've been playing catch up with the new additons' processes and procedures and practices (the 3 P's?), and looking for and finding opportunities for efficiencies so we're off to a running start. The old, familiar part of the team is also busier than heck with preparing for a couple tidal waves I see coming at us, so no wonder we're working so hard and long.
Yet, we did find time to go to lunch all together on Friday. Harish and RaeDean back in Mpls. had sent some money along so that I could take the SES team out to lunch or dinner, and to include Pallabi with whom Harish has been working on another project. All 12 of us went to lunch at the Savannah Hotel (here we pronounce SAH- vannah, not my midwestern Sa-VAN-ah, which I realized when I saw the spelling ;) and had a grand Friday buffet of great Indian food.

Moi, Naveen, Chandra, Pallabi, Padma, Naseem

Savitha, Meenakshi, Harish, Parna, Mythili, Satheesh

One other side job I have taken on is teaching 1 billion people the meaning and purpose of doing a pinky swear. I think I'm at 3 down, a billion minus 3 to go.   What percentage is that?  :D

Saturday morning, we got up early to go view the highlights of Bangalore. We began with the ISKCON temple. Beautiful place, peaceful, open, breezy, calm.  But it didn't take long till I had a flash-back right to the 1970's. Chetan caught me smiling as I had wandered back to a different place that had the same decorations of brass lanterns and incense and the sounds of mantras of Hare Krishna. And another smoky type of smell that was missing at the ISKCON  ;)  It also has a restaurant, as noted in below pic. 

But God doesn't serve breakfast, and we didn't want to wait 1.5 hours, although i was sure tempted!

We also visited the Bangalore Palace, which was beautiful, but deeply in need of restoration which is going on, but needs a kick in the pants or something. Unbelievably, beautiful woodwork inside a smaller replica of Windsor Castle. 

And there are flowering trees everywhere.  This one is my favorite, common name is Copper Pod due to copper/red seed cases, but it's bright yellow and just lovely.  I LOVE yellow flowering trees!  Hell, I love flowering trees of any color.  Here, the flowers tend to last for more than 2 weeks though, unlike my Minnesota lilacs and flowering crabs. 

I love this pic.  The dogs all sleeping in the shade on the grounds of the Bangalore Palace.  So, just imagine how hot it must be for all of those dogs to be sleeping there in the shade in the middle of the day. Just imagine.  It was freakin' HOT!!!

We also went to the Cauvery, where one can buy much beautiful sandalwood carving.  I think I spent an hour in there just looking at all the art.  Too expensive for my blood, but I did buy a few things including a copper vessel, and a little something for that kid of mine back home.

We had lunch at a place called Three Quarter Chinese.. I think the other 1/4 was Indian.  Whatever, it was really good. Drove around a bit more, as much as we could in that damn traffic which was mostly in jams, saw the government buildings, the high court, the library, museums, but it was just too hot to get out and wander, and too difficult with that traffic, so we didn't. We were quite spent by this time and decided we'd view more later. So, we then headed home to a nap.

Rest of the weekend was peaceful, hanging out getting to know Madhav the caretaker some more, viewing pic of his wife, of Anand's little daughter. These guys are here, have been for years, but their wives and in Anand's case child are back home with the family. They see their families maybe once a year, and I know this kind of thing has been going on for decades with the many separated and traveling families of Indians looking for better life, but not so sure I could do it, or agree to it!
Even on Sunday, I needed hair cut so made appointment at a salon close by. While there I had a pedicure that lasted nearly an hour and a half and it was OMG divine! The haircut was equivalent to $13.00 and the OMG wonderful pedicure and massage and reflexology and polishing and.. OMG.. was about $9.00. I'm going back, and brought the list of services back to Lisa.   But, I digress.. the owner of that salon is a young woman with 2 young children, and her husband was in IT and is now opening a store in the U.K. for a large retail chain there. He'll be there for 3 years. And she'll be here with the children and her very thriving business. More power to them, but that's got to be tough, not seeing your partner for long periods of time.

Anyways.. I'm off to bed and to begin another week.  Next weekend, we're heading to Mysore.

Final word... please, please someone tell me that this says "wash me".   :D  It just has to!!

So, how's the weather?

Look at Wednesday.   And Bangalore (Bengaluru) is where people escape to from the heat of the plains!!  

Just a little unexpected "side trip"

So, we landed in India on Feb 2.  We went to Tirupati on Feb 19, nearly 3 weeks later. My feet have been a bit swollen ever since we landed. I'd put my feet up, I'd drink lots of water, drink coconut water, stopped at the doctor housed at the ITPL to make sure I didn't have DVT  got a little relief but nothing was really solving the problem. Well, it came to a head when we went on the road to Chittoor and Tirupati, climbed up and down a zillion steps, long drive back at night with one stop along the way, a very large Mall that Sunday, and then that night we walked to the local Chinese restaurant but were sent in the wrong direction so inadvertently walked quite a long ways on very rough and bumpy roads. Ever since I had the 2 ankle surgeries 2 years ago, the left ankle complains when it gets abused. After that walk, the ankle was not only complaining, it was threatening me with secession.  It's been since before the surgery that I had felt that much pain and I was afraid I'd killed it! 
Before I left the U.S., I'd been automatically enrolled into an international security service via our corporate security and health service. This service provides global security, medical assistance and international health care anywhere in the world by linking us to health care that is up to international standards. In case of political unrest or a major natural event, they would be the ones to ensure our safety and evacuation. So, I called them on Monday. I was conferenced in with a doctor in the US who advised that I be seen by a doctor and they would call me back with appointment place and time. I got the call Tues morning at about 9am and my appointment was at a hospital here in Bangalore about an hour away at 10:45am. So I had about 1/2 hour to shower, dress, figure out transportation. While bathing, I notice that from the knee down, the skin on both of my legs is red. Well, I was wearing capris out in the sun, so maybe that's it.  But geez, I'm puffier than I was before!  My feet look like 2 loaves of unbaked bread, and my ankles are the size of softballs. My fingers, my face, my wrists.. all puffy. Hmm..
I tell Lisa where I'm going, Madhav calls a taxi for me, we decide the taxi should take me, wait and then bring me back, and then I'm off.  And the cab ride is extremely uncomfortable and for an hour long cab ride I need to keep my left foot elevated on the seat and my legs are not feeling right.  = /
I get there, wait for my appointment and the jitters start.  Now, I know logically this is not a government hospital, which is a good thing as I've heard and read way too many bad things about Indian government hospitals.  So breathe. First thing I do notice is a brochure that states this hospital is affiliated with Harvard Medical International - Boston.  Okay ... I've heard of that place.  ;)  And while I wait a little longer, (cuz a couple of asshole men think they are more important and push their way into the doc office when I had been called and they had been told to wait.. assholes) that's when providence sends me a little more reassurance.  I need something to do, and there's nothing to do, and it feels like everyone in the waiting room is looking at me (cuz they are!) and a little girl stops in front of me and I smile. And she smiles. And then she goes away and comes back. And then her mom comes and smiles and sits next to me. Makes conversation by asking my name, telling me hers and her daughters', asks me why I'm there, and then tells me she, her husband and her daughter all came with her mother in law to this hospital for a checkup after her mother in law had had heart surgery recently.  They come all the way from Maharashtra, stay at a lodge here for a week just because they say this hospital is THAT good.  That's certainly reassuring!
Assholes finally leave, and I go in. Woman doctor (score!) and she's right down to business but she's also present and focused. I like her right away. She asks a bunch of questions, gets the story, then asks me to lie down so she can take my blood pressure. She takes it, and when I ask her what the reading was, she refuses to tell me. Okay.. is this the Indian way or is this a bad sign?  I don't know.  But she does say that she wants to take it one more time as the reading didn't seem right. Asks me more questions, does a little more poking around, then takes the BP again. This time when I ask, she tells me.  220/120.  She got the 220 out and I gasped. I asked her to repeat and it was really 220/120.  Both times.     I know that's bad.  That's in range of having a stroke.  Any second.  
She wants to admit me. Right now.  Only other option is to come back tomorrow to be checked again.  Well, if it wouldn't have been another 3-4 hours out of my day to come back, I just may have, but I also know that it would be risky and that I needed to be admitted, but for GOD'S sake, it's an Indian hospital!!  I have never done any research whatsoever on hospitals in India, the only thing flashing through my head is some passage from some book I read about someone being taken to an Indian government hospital and that's where you take people to die, you have to know people who know people who pay people to get care...  well I KNOW this isn't a government hospital, but c'mon!!!  it's 9000 miles away from my home!  and MY doctor.  And MY family and friends and comfort zone.  But I know I have to be admitted.  So she sends me back upstairs to the admitting area.  I call for my cab and tell the driver that I need to stay, and pay him and send him away. 
Now, I know that was just a cab driver that I'd only spent one hour of my life with, but when I sent him away, I was A.L.O.N.E.!  Empty, deep dark hole forming inside my gut that is echoing. I can do pretty much anything alone, but this is pushing the envelope, even for me. First thing I do, I pull out my cell phone and it's nearly dead. Oh GREAT!  I have my iPhone with me too, and THAT's only half charged but it costs a mint to use so I don't. Only in emergency.  Guess what this is?? but the numbers I need are on my cell phone. So I dial Naveen, my buddy, my project manager, the one I know who is responsible, has a cell phone and is responsive.  No answer.  By now I'm heading back inside the hospital, and am between the 2 entry doors. I'm not ready to go to admitting until I TALK to someone, so I dial again.  No answer.  That's when I started shaking. And I went and stood in a corner so that no one could see my distress, cuz I've just about had enough for one day and it's nearly 1pm and oh.. he's either in a meeting or at lunch. So I try to text him. You ever tried texting when you're shaking like a leaf and trying to not crumple?  Not so easy.. but that's when he calls me.  Thank God! I have now contacted the outside world, someone who gives a shit and now knows where I am. I can go be admitted now.

My god, I'm wordy.

I call the SOS people, and let them know I'm being admitted. They take over and I hand my phone over to the woman doing the admitting, and I see there are guys in suits behind her and people bustling, and I have faith that the SOS people are doing exactly what needs doing. Good thing I had my passport, my SOS ID, and my insurance card with me. I was admitted quickly and easily. Naveen calls me back and says he and Satheesh are on their way, and I'm okay. I can start to see again.
While being admitted, I was told there were only two types of rooms left available, - Executive or Royal. I had to laugh.. and say I don't need Royal. Executive is fine.  o.O
I was lead to my room, and this wonderful little nurse welcomes me and leads me into this HUGE room, with a bed, and a cot, and a sitting area and more cupboard/closet space than I have in my own home, and a refrigerator, tv, and huge window looking out into a courtyard full of plants and fountains.  Yikes.. what is this going to cost me and I hope insurance will pick it up as I've not had a lot of choice in this whole thing.. but here we are. I settle in, Satheesh and Naveen arrive bringing apples and juice and asking questions and kind of coming in and taking charge and I let them.  Even my inner control freak has its limits.  ;)  And someone comes in and asks me what I'd like for lunch  - scuse me, I get a CHOICE? - and someone brings me 4 liters of water, and other people are bustling in and out and everyone is SO nice and professional. The nurses call each other "sister" although they are not nuns or related :)  I settle in, and begin the process of seeing more doctors and taking meds, having tests run and scans done and BP taken hourly, and every time it's down a LOT.
All in all, amazing hospital stay!  The food was fabulous, the care was superb, the nurses really wonderful, sweet, caring, thoughtful, professional, everyone spoke great English, and when it helped to have the local language spoken Satheesh and Naveen were there. Spotless, organized, orderly, LOTS of staff, air-conditioned, nice smelling!, just amazing. Through the night they did fill completely every bed, and were very busy but my care was never compromised. The doctors were, each one of them, top notch - caring, personable, knowledgable, great bedside manners and thorough, never bustling or too self important.
Naveen and Satheesh took the time to head to my apartment to get my phone charger and a few other things, which really helped me feel more at ease. And then my phone started ringing.  Many people started hearing and were checking up on me. But that's when I found out how really well this security SOS service is!

I got a phone call from the SOS office in Delhi, checking on me.  And I got a call from the security desk at the home office in Minneapolis. Both checking on me, asking how I am, if I need anything.  I thought that was nice.  But it was when I got the phone call from my V.P. was when I found out how REALLY well it works!
Seems they woke her up at about 3am to let her know one of her employees had been admitted to a hospital in India and they did not know why, but that she should know.  The "not know why" kept her from falling back to sleep so she went into office early, saw emails that had been flying already where our Ameriprise General Counsel in New York had been alerted, who had in turn sent an email to the CIO, who then sent an email to my Senior VP and VP asking what was up, and the TCS folks were also in the same communication flurry and most of the staff both here and in Mpls was hearing, and I HADN'T EVEN CALLED MY OWN MOM OR DAUGHTER YET!  :D  I just didn't want any fuss... I'd call them tomorrow.  HAH!  No fuss..  So I called them both. 

Honestly, was an amazing experience.  Everything worked.  I've been taking it easy since and have been on some medication that's pretty much knocked me on my ass, so my BP HAS to be quite low. A door slammed LOUDLY earlier today, where normally I would have jumped.. and I didn't even react. I'll be calling for a follow up in the morning.

In the meantime, i was afraid of the cost of this wayyyyy out of network hospital stay.  Took hours for the insurance and billing to get settled, but that happens everywhere. And the stay itself?  With the Executive room, all the meds, the tests, the doctors, the whole thing that probably would cost $5000 -10,000 in the US, came to 20950 Indian Rupees.   $450.00.  I had to pay 80 rs for the 2 waters I drank.  that's like $1.75. 

That's it. I'm sold.  If I ever need hospitalization again, put me on an airplane for Bangalore!  

and the best part?  One of the nurses, very late at night/early am, doing what she needs to do and says, you foreigners are so much nicer than our local people.  You are so NICE!  :D