Judith Strom - The Real Obituary

Strom, Judith (Halgren, Marcy)

It is with great sadness that we announce the peaceful passing of our mother Jude(Oma) of Wabasha at age 73 on November 29, 2011.  Left to cherish her memory are her beloved life partner Elfi Baltes, her children Julie Daily, Janice Wiethoff (Bob), Jennifer Halgren, Jocelyn Schwartz (Jim) and Eric Halgren. Also left to remember her are her sisters Jackie and Gayle, her sister-in-law and longtime friend Marcia Dale, with Michael, and her nieces and nephews. Her grandchildren Jocelyn, Nick and Ben will greatly miss Oma.  According to her wishes as an avid gardener, a service will be held in the Spring. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the MN Landscape Arboretum or Midwest Pug Rescue.

That is the obituary that will be posted in the StarTribune on Sunday. It'll show up online sometime before that, I don't know when. At a cost of over $300.00. It's probably that expensive or more people would write long obits that would take up 1/2 the newspaper, so I guess I get it. But dammit! There is so much more to say! 

I got the important parts that she dearly loved. Her family. Her gardening. Her pugs. Yet there are also Elfi's kids who are family, kind of our step sister and brothers, and their kids and spouses. Her friends, many long time, very dear friends - Carol, Judith and Sarah who were with us at the hospital in her final hours. her many friends from around Nelson, Alma and Wabasha of whom she often spoke very fondly. Many friends in South Minneapolis and around Lake Minnetonka. And Fairview Hospitals. How many thousands of lives did she touch as an understanding yet straight-forward Adolescent and Family Chemical Dependency Counselor of more than 25 years, and all the people she worked with for so long. 

And food. She was a foodie before it was trendy to be one. She read cookbooks for entertainment. She could take a little bit of this and a little bit of that and turn it into a simple yet spectacular meal that would comfort not only your body, but your soul. She experimented and mastered many cuisines, Japanese, Vietnamese, Indian, Mexican, Swedish, German, Italian, French, anything that looked interesting. Holiday meals were glorious. Free-range, locally grown, home made everything. She grew heirloom tomatoes, purple ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, and yes, some red ones. Her garden kept her busy from early Spring until late Fall, seeding, planting, weeding, caring for, harvesting, canning, freezing, storing, cooking every kind of vegetable, raspberries, fruit trees, herbs and garlic. There would be raspberry pies and jams, the best breads you could imagine, and man, are we going to miss her pickles :(  I could kick myself for not taking more time to learn that skill from her, but with some help from my sisters we will attempt to do her justice. 

And flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. Not showy, not lots of bright colors, but serene. Beautiful. Fragrant and graceful. 

She loved to read. She liked to read quality fiction, news magazines, science and politics. She loved to learn and   to try new creative things like stained glass, cheese making, and creating a home from a ramshackle building. She and Elfi did that three times, first in S. Mpls, then in Alma, then the top of the bluff overlooking the Mississippi that was their dream home. It was a nightmare when they bought it, but just like she could start dinner with what didn't seem like much and make a feast, along with Elfi she turned structures that didn't look like they could stand a strong wind into a home filled with grace and beauty. 

She was strong. She worked for justice. Justice and equality for women in the 70s, peace during wars, supported causes that would help ease others' pain. She was also brave and always questioned authority!  (I learned well ;)

I think that's the thing about her, with her work, her family, her homes, her rescue dogs, she could see beyond the broken appearance into the heart and bones within and help to heal and coax the beauty out.  And we're not talking beauty = glamor, but beauty = real. She was real. Just real. 

She loved music. Lots of music, many kinds of music. We grew up listening to folk music, bluegrass, gospel, classical, Mahalia Jackson, Kingston Trio, Peter Paul and Mary, Harry Belefonte, Miriam Makeba, Bach, MPR's The Morning Show. She turned me on to Andrea Bocelli and The Carolina Chocolate Drops. I thank her for all of that. 

And oh, did she love her children and her grandchildren. Even through all the rough spots, and there were some pretty severe rough spots, she was there, patiently standing as the beacon to which we would come home.  And we all did. She never gave unasked for advice, didn't nag or scold (ok, in the past 20+ years, anyway) and allowed us all to find our own paths, as we allowed her to find her's. 

She was there as my coach and partner when my Jocelyn was born . She was with me all day, all night, the next day and into the next night and those two formed a bond that will never break. She is Oma to Jocelyn, Nick and Ben, and always will be. 

It's been 42 hours since she left this earth. I wonder where she is and what she's learning now.  And oh God, do I miss her!  She was the best friend I'd call when I had news, or something to talk about, or just because. I feel so alone, more alone than I ever have. She's been my anchor for 55 years, and now I feel like I'm drifting. I know I'll adjust, but this adjustment is going to take a while. I don't like it, and I don't have to. But I will. 

It happened so fast. I think it must always seem fast, but we were SO lucky! Just last Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, she was at my sister's home with all of us, eating a wonderful meal and enjoying the day. She told us she loved Thanksgiving the best. Christmas seems to be for the kids - Thanksgiving was about Family. We were all there, and she told each of us individually that she was grateful for us and why. Lots of hugs, and "I love yous" were said. What more could we ask for?   Just more..  

Monday morning I had a "feeling" that I needed to call her. That feeling was very strong, so I did.  No answer. Then I called Elfi. No answer. I feel alarm bells going off. I had talked to her on Fri or Sat, and it seemed concerning but not dire, but...  Elfi called right back saying they were at the ER, that she's had a bad weekend since her last chemo on Friday. At other times, I just left and would assess the situation and then call my sisters, but this time I called my sisters first and my aunt Gayle. Jocelyn left work and came with me, Jannie and Jennifer stayed on stand-by, and we met Gayle at the ER. When they transferred her to the Mayo we called Jannie, Jennifer and Eric to meet us there. And it was one long day and night. She would drift in and out, but for the last 6 hours or so she did not wake. In the few times she did, she told us she wanted services in the spring. Ok. She wanted ginger-ale. We got it. She moaned with pleasure when I gave her the sponge soaked with ginger-ale and I will treasure that moment the rest of my life. She got back rubs and someone holding her hand or a hand on her at all times. 

I had been awake all night. I could not even consider closing my eyes, it just was not an option. But shortly before 6:30am, I was sitting next to her head and laid my head down on the bed by her shoulder. And I drifted into something, a dream, a vision, I don't know, but I saw what I think was a pumpkin garden, with an amazingly blue sky and lots of gold sunlight streaming over it all. Some of that gold may have been sunflowers, I don't know. It was for such a short second.. and then her breathing changed, my head popped up, and she went away. I've only told one of my sisters this, as I remembered it on the drive home. I don't know what that was, but it gives me some peace. And awe. 

They tell me that the sense of hearing and touch are the last to go. She felt us, and she heard us. We were all around her, times of tears, times of laughter, times of silence, times of conversation. We were lucky, lucky to have had her as our mom, our Oma, our partner, our sister, our mentor and guide, our teacher and friend. 

Her birthday is one week from today. For her birthday the family and a few close friends will be celebrating her life at the Arboretum on Dec.10. There will be a memorial service sometime in the spring at the Villa Maria in Frontenac. That was her wish. She also wished to go to the North Shore of Superior one more time. That, too, will happen in the spring. Details will come later, and you are all invited. 

Momma, wherever you are now, you know you were dearly loved, and I know you never wanted to be a bother or a burden to us.  You never were. You will always live on in our hearts, which feel very empty at present, but as you’ve always done, I’m sure you will coax us to once again feel the beauty and grace that filled you.

With all the love I have to give, and thanks to you there is a great deal of it,

Julie